All-NCAA Football Background Check Team

Published on 03 September 2009 by Nick Fishman in Humor

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Here’s my NCAA Football Top 10 Background Check Team.  What would we find if we conducted background checks on these football powerhouses?

  1. University of Miami- (Ok, this one is like shooting fish in a barrel) Guilty of Felonious Assault.  Who can forget the program’s most recent black eye when they went at it with Florida International University in the middle of a game?
  2. University of California- Guilty of Hit and Run.  Remember the end of game kick-off return that ended with Stanford’s tuba player on his backside?
  3. Notre Dame University- Failing to conduct an Education Verification on our good friend Coach George O’Leary.  This story has done more for raising awareness of academic falsification than anything I can remember.
  4. University of Michigan- Guilty of hiring a slave driver turned-crybaby in coach Rich Rodriguez who has done nothing but make the school look bad since his hiring in 2007.  One need only look at what he did to his previous employer when he stole university files before leaving. (A good Buckeye never needs an excuse to take a shot at the team up North)
  5. Southern Methodist University- Guilty of Everything.  The football program was so dirty that they received the “death penalty” from the NCAA in 1987.
  6. University of Georgia- Guilty of Biting Opposing Players?  An Auburn player is bit by his own school’s security police dog.  Many speculate that the canine in question was planted by the Bulldogs.
  7. University of Alabama- Coach Nick Saban is always guilty of . . . something.
  8. University of Hawaii- Guilty of retaining their head coach, Greg McMackin after slurring the gay community at a press conference this summer.  Rather interesting twist from a team nicknamed the “Rainbow Warriors”
  9. The Ohio State University (my Alma Mater)-  Clearly guilty of Identity Theft for pretending to be a national championship contender for the last 3 years.
  10. The NCAA- Guilty of robbing all of us of a playoff system that would give us a true national champion.

Can you think of any other “guilty” programs?

Go Bucks!

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